How the Hands Talk

For thousands of years, the level of status people held in a

society would determine the priority order in which they could

hold the floor when speaking. The more power or authority

you had, the more others would be compelled to stay silent

while you spoke. For example, Roman history shows that a

low-status person could be executed for interrupting Julius

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Tie an Italian's hands behind his

back and he'll be speechless.

Caesar. Today, most people live in societies where freedom of

speech flourishes and usually anyone who wants to put

forward an opinion can do so. In Britain, Australia and

the USA it's even permissible to interrupt the President or

prime Minister with your opinion or to give a condescending

slow handclap, as happened to Prime Minister Tony Blair

in 2003 during a television discussion on the Iraqi crisis. In

many countries, the hands have taken on the role of 'punctuation

marks' to regulate turn-taking in conversation. The

Hands Raised gesture has been borrowed from the Italians

and French, who are the biggest users of 'hand talking', but

it is still rarely seen in England, where waving your

hands about when you speak is seen as inappropriate or

poor style.

In Italy, the order of talking is simple - the person with his

hands raised has the floor and does the talking. The listener

will have his hands down or behind his back. So the trick is to

try to get your hands in the air if you want to get a word in and

this can be done either by looking away and then raising them

or by touching the other person's arm to suppress their hand

as you raise yours. Many people assume that when Italians

talk they are being friendly or intimate because they continually

touch each other, but in fact each is attempting to restrict

the other's hands and take the floor.

In this chapter we'll evaluate some of the most common

hand and thumb gestures in widespread use.

Hand and Thumb Gestures

On the One Hand...

Watching how a person summarises a discussion giving both

Points of view can reveal whether they have a bias one way or

another. They usually hold one hand palm up and articulate

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

each point and then give the opposing points on the

other hand. Right-handed people reserve their favoured point

of view for their right hand and left-handers favour their

left.

On the Other Hand, Gestures Improve Recall

Using hand gestures grabs attention, increases the impact of

communication and helps individuals retain more of the information

they are hearing. At the University of Manchester in

England, Geoffrey Beattie and Nina McLoughlin conducted a

study where volunteers listened to stories featuring cartoon

characters such as Roger Rabbit, Tweetie Pie and Sylvester the

Cat. For some listeners, a narrator added hand gestures such

as moving the hands up and down quickly to show running, a

waving movement to demonstrate a hair dryer and arms wide

apart to show a fat opera singer. When the listeners were

tested ten minutes later, those who had seen the hand gestures

had up to a third higher response when recalling the details of

the stories, demonstrating the dramatic effect hand gestures

have on our recall ability.

In this chapter, we'll examine 15 of the most common hand

gestures you're likely to see every day and we'll discuss what to

do about them.

Rubbing the Palms Together

Recently a friend visited us at home to discuss our forthcoming

skiing holiday. In the course of the conversation she sat

back in her chair, smiled broadly, rubbed her palms together

rapidly and exclaimed, 'I can hardly wait!' With her Raised-

Palms-Rub she had told us non-verbally that she expected the

trip to be a big success.

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

Showing positive

expectancy

Rubbing the palms together is a way in which people communicate

positive expectation. The dice thrower rubs the dice

between his palms as a sign of his positive expectancy of

winning, the master of ceremonies rubs his palms together

and says to his audience, 'We have been looking forward to

hearing our next speaker,' and the excited salesperson struts

into the sales manager's office, rubs his palms together and

says excitedly, 'We've just received a big order!' However, the

waiter who comes to your table at the end of the evening

rubbing his palms together and asking, 'Anything else, sir?' is

non-verbally telling you that he has expectancy of a good tip.

The speed at which a person rubs their palms together

signals who he thinks will receive the positive benefits. Say, for

example, you want to buy a home and you visit an estate

agent. After describing the property you want, the agent rubs

his palms together quickly and says, 'I've got just the right

house for you!' In this way the agent has signalled that he

expects the results to be to your benefit. But how would you

reel if he rubbed his palms together very slowly as he told you

that he had the ideal property? He'd seem sneaky or devious

and you'd get the feeling that he expected the results to benefit

him, not you.

The speed of the hand rub signals who

the gesturer thinks will get the benefit

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

Salespeople are taught to use the palm rub gesture when

describing products or services to prospective buyers, and to

use a fast hand action to avoid putting buyers on the defensive

When a buyer quickly rubs his palms together and says, 'Let's

see what you have to offer!' it signals that he's expecting to see

something good and might buy.

'Have I got a

deal for you!'

Always remember context: a person who rubs his palms

together briskly while standing at a bus terminal on a cold day

may not necessarily be doing it because he's expecting a bus.

He does it because his hands are cold.

Thumb and Finger Rub

Rubbing the thumb against the index finger or fingertips is

commonly used as a money expectancy gesture. Its symbolism

is that of rubbing a coin between the thumb and fingertips. It

is often used by the street vendor who says, 'I can save you

40%,' or by the person who says to his friend, 'Can you lend

me fifty pounds?'

'We can make

money out of this!'

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

This gesture should be avoided at all times by any professional

person who deals with clients because it carries negative associations

about money.

Hands Clenched Together

At first, this gesture can seem to signal confidence as some

people who use it often also smile. On one occasion, we

observed a negotiator describing the deal he had just lost. As

he went further and further into his story, he had not only

taken the Hands Clenched position, his fingers were beginning

to turn white and looked as if they were welding together. The

Hands Clenched gesture shows a restrained, anxious or negative

attitude. It's also a favourite of Queen Elizabeth when she

is on royal visits and public appearances and it is usually positioned

on her lap.

Hands clenched in

raised position reveals

frustration, even when

smiling

Research into the Hands Clenched position by negotiation

experts Nierenberg and Calero showed that it was also a frustration

gesture when used during a negotiation, signalling that

the person was holding back a negative or anxious attitude. It

was a position assumed by a person who felt they were either

hot convincing the other person or thought they were losing

the negotiation.

The Hands Clenched gesture has three main positions:

hands clenched in front of the face; hands clenched resting on

he desk or on the lap; and, when standing, hands clenched in

front of the crotch.

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

Hands clenched in

centre position

Hands clenched in

lower position

We discovered a correlation between the height at which the

hands are held and the degree of the person's frustration: that

is, a person would be more difficult to deal with when the

hands are held high, as in a centre position, than they would

be in a lower position (see illustrations). As with all negative

gestures, you need to take action to unlock the person's

fingers, by offering them a drink or asking them to hold something,

or their negative attitude will remain in the same way it

does with any arm-crossing position.

The Steeple

So far, we've emphasised that gestures come in clusters, like

words in a sentence, and that they must be interpreted in the

context in which you observe them. Steepling can be an exception

to these rules, as it often occurs in isolation. The fingers

of one hand lightly press against those of the other hand to

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

form a church steeple and will sometimes rock back and forth

like a spider doing push-ups on a mirror.

We found that the Steeple was frequently used in superiorsubordinate

interaction and that it indicates a confident or

self-assured attitude. Superiors often use this gesture position

when they give instructions or advice to subordinates and it is

particularly common among accountants, lawyers and managers.

People who are confident, superior types often use this

gesture and, by doing so, signal their confident attitude.

Confident he has

the right answers

Those who use this gesture sometimes convert the Steeple into

a praying gesture in an attempt to appear God-like. As a

general rule, the Steeple should be avoided when you want to

be persuasive or win the other person's confidence, as it can

sometimes be read as smugness or arrogance.

President Chirac and Gerry Adams sometimes appear God-like

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

If you want to look as if you are confident and have all the

right answers, the Steeple position will do it for you.

Using Steepling to Win at Chess

Picture this scene - you're playing chess and it's your turn to

move. You move your hand over the chessboard and rest your

finger on a chess piece, indicating you intend to move that

piece. You then notice your opponent sit back and make the

Steeple gesture. Your opponent has just told you, non-verbally,

that he feels confident about your move so your best strategy

is not to make it. You next touch another chess piece and see

your opponent assume the Hands Clenched gesture or Arms

Crossed position, signalling that he doesn't like your potential

move — so you should make it.

The Steeple has two main versions: the Raised Steeple, the

position often assumed when the Steepler is giving his opinions

or ideas or is doing the talking; and the Lowered Steeple,

which is normally used when the Steepler is listening rather

than speaking.

The Lowered Steeple

Women tend to use the Lowered Steeple position more often

than the Raised Steeple. When the Raised Steeple is taken with

the head tilted back, the person takes on an air of smugness or

arrogance.

Although the Steeple gesture is a positive signal, it can be

used in either positive or negative circumstances and may

be misinterpreted. For example, let's say you are presenting

an idea to someone and have seen them using several

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

positive gestures during the presentation, such as open palms,

leaning forward, head up, nodding and so on. Let's say that

towards the end of your presentation the other person begins

to Steeple.

If the Steeple follows a series of other positive gestures

and appears when you show the other person the solution

to his problem, it's likely you've been given the go-ahead

to 'ask for the order'. On the other hand, if the Steeple

gesture follows a series of negative gestures such as arm

folding, leg crossing, looking away and hand-to-face gestures,

he may be confident that he won't say 'yes' or that he can

get rid of you. In both these cases the Steeple registers confidence,

but one has positive results and the other negative

consequences. The gestures preceding the Steeple are the

key to the outcome.

Summary

Your hands are always in front of you, revealing your emotions

and attitudes. Many body language gestures can be difficult to

learn but hand gestures can be practised and rehearsed to a

point where you can have fairly good control over where your

hands are and what they are doing. When you learn to read

hand gestures you'll look more confident, feel more successful

and win more chess games.

The Face Platter -

Presenting her face

for a man to admire

The Face Platter

This is not a negative gesture - it's a positive

one used in courtship. It's used mainly

by women and by gay men who want to

attract a man's attention. A woman will

place one hand on top of the other and

present her face to a man as if it was on a

platter for him to admire.

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

If you are going to use flattery - sincere or not - this gesture

gives the green light for it.

Holding Hands Behind the Back

The Duke of Edinburgh and several other male members

of the British Royal Family are noted for their habit of walking

with head up, chin out and one hand holding the other

hand behind the back. This gesture is common among

leaders and royalty and is used by the policemen patrolling

the beat, the headmaster walking around the school playground,

senior military personnel and anyone in a position of

authority.

Back and front views of the

superiority-confidence gesture

The emotions attached to this gesture are superiority, confidence

and power. The person exposes their vulnerable

stomach, heart, crotch and throat in a subconscious act of

fearlessness. Our experience shows that, if you take this position

when you are in a high-stress situation, such as being

interviewed by newspaper reporters or waiting outside a

dentist's surgery, you'll begin to feel confident and even

authoritative, as a result of cause and effect.

Our work with law enforcement officers showed that offi-

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

The higher up one hand grips the opposite arm, the more frustrated

or angry the person is likely to be. In the illustration

below the person is showing a greater attempt at self-control

than in the previous picture, because the hand is gripping the

upper arm, not just the wrist. This gesture shows the origin of

the expression, 'Get a good grip on yourself.'

The Upper Arm Grip

cers who don't wear firearms use this position regularly and

often rock back and forth on the balls of the feet when standing

to gain additional height. Police officers who wear firearms

seldom use this gesture, preferring to let their arms hang by

their side or to have their thumbs tucked into the belt. The

firearm gives the officer sufficient power that Palm-in-Palm

behind the back is not a necessary display of authority.

The Hand-Gripping-Wrist gesture communicates a different

emotion to Palm-in-Palm behind the back. It's a signal of frustration

and an attempt at self-control. One hand grips the

other wrist or arm tightly behind the back, as if in an attempt

by one arm to prevent the other from striking out.

The Hand-Gripping-Wrist

gesture

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

Wrist-and-arm-gripping behind the back can often be

observed outside a courtroom when warring parties are face to

face, in salespeople standing in a customer's reception area

and in patients waiting for a doctor. It's an attempt to disguise

nervousness or self-restraint and, if you catch yourself doing

it, change to the Palm-in-Palm behind the back and you will

begin to feel more confident and in control.

Thumb Displays

As mentioned earlier, thumbs denote superiority. In palmistry,

the thumbs represent strength of character and the ego, and

body language signals involving the thumbs also show selfimportant

attitudes. Thumbs are used to display dominance,

assertiveness or sometimes aggressive attitudes; thumb gestures

are secondary gestures and are usually part of a cluster.

Thumb displays are positive signals, often used in the typical

pose of the 'cool' individual who uses them to show superiority.

A man will use Protruding Thumbs around women to

whom he is attracted and people who wear high-status or prestige

clothing also display their thumbs. You will rarely see a

low-status individual, such as a vagrant, doing it.

The Waistcoat Thruster

Thumb displayers also often rock on the balls of their feet to

give the impression of extra height.

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

fhumbs-Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket

This gesture is common to

men and women who feel

they are in a superior position

to others. It's one of

Prince Charles' regular

gestures and reveals the incontrol

attitude he feels at

the time. In a work environment,

the boss will

walk around the office in

the position and, when the

boss is away, the person

who is next in charge will

walk around using it. But

none of the subordinates

would dare to use it in

front of the boss.

Thumb displays can

become obvious when a

person gives a contradictory

verbal message. Take, for example, the lawyer who turns

to the jury and in a soft, low voice says, 'In my humble

opinion, ladies and gentlemen ...' while displaying his thumbs

and tilting back his head to 'look down his nose' at them.

Prince Charles using his Thumb-

Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket gesture

A lawyer pretending

to be humble

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

This can make the jury feel that the lawyer is being insincere

or pompous. If a lawyer wanted to appear humble, he should

approach the jury with his coat open, with open palms and

stoop forward to appear smaller.

'You seem like an intelligent, honest man,' the

lawyer said smugly. 'I'd return the compliment, sir,'

said the witness. 'But I'm under oath.'

Thumbs sometimes protrude from the back pockets (see

below) as if the person is trying to hide their dominant attitude.

Women were rarely seen using Thumb Displays until the

1960s when they began to wear trousers and take on more

authoritative roles in society.

Thumb displays revealing

confident, authoritative attitudes

Arms-Folded-with-Thumbs-Pointing-Upwards is another

common thumb cluster. This is a double signal, showing a

defensive or negative attitude (folded arms), plus a superior

attitude revealed by the thumbs. The person using this cluster

usually gestures with his thumbs when he talks, and rocks on

the balls of his feet when standing.

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Hand and Thumb Gestures

Closing himself off

but still feeling superior

The thumb can also be used as a signal of ridicule or disrespect

when it is used to point at another person. For example,

the husband who leans across to his friend, points towards his

wife with his thumb and says 'She always nags', is inviting an

argument with her. In this case, the shaking thumb is used as

a pointer to ridicule her. Consequently, thumb-pointing is irritating

to most women, particularly when a man does it. The

Thumb Shaking gesture is not common among women,

although they sometimes use the gesture to point at people

they don't like.

'She always nags me!'

Summary

Ihe thumbs have been used as a sign of power and authority

for thousands of years. In Roman times, the thumb held up or

down meant life or death to a gladiator. Even without any

training, others intuitively decode thumb signals and seem to

understand their meaning. You are now in a position not only

to decode thumb signs, but to train yourself to use them.