How the
Hands Talk
For thousands of
years, the level of status people held in a
society would
determine the priority order in which they could
hold the floor when
speaking. The more power or authority
you had, the more
others would be compelled to stay silent
while you spoke. For
example, Roman history shows that a
low-status person
could be executed for interrupting Julius
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Tie an Italian's hands
behind his
back and he'll be
speechless.
Caesar. Today, most
people live in societies where freedom of
speech flourishes and
usually anyone who wants to put
forward an opinion
can do so. In Britain, Australia and
the USA it's even
permissible to interrupt the President or
prime Minister with
your opinion or to give a condescending
slow handclap, as
happened to Prime Minister Tony Blair
in 2003 during a
television discussion on the Iraqi crisis. In
many countries, the
hands have taken on the role of 'punctuation
marks' to regulate
turn-taking in conversation. The
Hands
Raised gesture has been borrowed from the Italians
and French, who are
the biggest users of 'hand talking', but
it is still rarely
seen in England, where waving your
hands about when you
speak is seen as inappropriate or
poor style.
In Italy, the order
of talking is simple - the person with his
hands raised has the
floor and does the talking. The listener
will have his hands
down or behind his back. So the trick is to
try to get your hands
in the air if you want to get a word in and
this can be done
either by looking away and then raising them
or by touching the
other person's arm to suppress their hand
as you raise yours.
Many people assume that when Italians
talk they are being
friendly or intimate because they continually
touch each other, but
in fact each is attempting to restrict
the other's hands and
take the floor.
In this chapter we'll
evaluate some of the most common
hand and thumb
gestures in widespread use.
Hand and Thumb
Gestures
On
the One Hand...
Watching how a person
summarises a discussion giving both
Points of view can reveal
whether they have a bias one way or
another. They usually
hold one hand palm up and articulate
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The Definitive Book
of Body Language
each point and then
give the opposing points on the
other hand.
Right-handed people reserve their favoured point
of view for their
right hand and left-handers favour their
left.
On the
Other Hand, Gestures Improve Recall
Using hand gestures
grabs attention, increases the impact of
communication and
helps individuals retain more of the information
they are hearing. At
the University of Manchester in
England, Geoffrey
Beattie and Nina McLoughlin conducted a
study where
volunteers listened to stories featuring cartoon
characters such as
Roger Rabbit, Tweetie Pie and Sylvester the
Cat. For some
listeners, a narrator added hand gestures such
as moving the hands
up and down quickly to show running, a
waving movement to
demonstrate a hair dryer and arms wide
apart to show a fat
opera singer. When the listeners were
tested ten minutes
later, those who had seen the hand gestures
had up to a third
higher response when recalling the details of
the stories,
demonstrating the dramatic effect hand gestures
have on our recall
ability.
In this chapter,
we'll examine 15 of the most common hand
gestures you're
likely to see every day and we'll discuss what to
do about them.
Rubbing
the Palms Together
Recently a friend
visited us at home to discuss our forthcoming
skiing holiday. In
the course of the conversation she sat
back in her chair,
smiled broadly, rubbed her palms together
rapidly and
exclaimed, 'I can hardly wait!' With her Raised-
Palms-Rub
she had told us non-verbally that she expected the
trip to be a big
success.
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Hand and Thumb
Gestures
Showing positive
expectancy
Rubbing the palms
together is a way in which people communicate
positive expectation.
The dice thrower rubs the dice
between his palms as
a sign of his positive expectancy of
winning, the master
of ceremonies rubs his palms together
and says to his
audience, 'We have been looking forward to
hearing our next
speaker,' and the excited salesperson struts
into the sales
manager's office, rubs his palms together and
says excitedly,
'We've just received a big order!' However, the
waiter who comes to
your table at the end of the evening
rubbing his palms
together and asking, 'Anything else, sir?' is
non-verbally telling
you that he has expectancy of a good tip.
The speed at which a
person rubs their palms together
signals who he thinks
will receive the positive benefits. Say, for
example, you want to
buy a home and you visit an estate
agent. After
describing the property you want, the agent rubs
his palms together
quickly and says, 'I've got just the right
house for you!' In
this way the agent has signalled that he
expects the results
to be to your benefit. But how would you
reel if he rubbed his
palms together very slowly as he told you
that he had the ideal
property? He'd seem sneaky or devious
and you'd get the
feeling that he expected the results to benefit
him, not you.
The speed of the hand rub signals who
the gesturer thinks will
get the benefit
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The Definitive Book
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Salespeople are
taught to use the palm rub gesture when
describing products
or services to prospective buyers, and to
use a fast hand
action to avoid putting buyers on the defensive
When a buyer quickly
rubs his palms together and says, 'Let's
see what you have to
offer!' it signals that he's expecting to see
something good and
might buy.
'Have I got a
deal for you!'
Always remember
context: a person who rubs his palms
together briskly
while standing at a bus terminal on a cold day
may not necessarily
be doing it because he's expecting a bus.
He does it because
his hands are cold.
Thumb and
Finger Rub
Rubbing the thumb
against the index finger or fingertips is
commonly used as a
money expectancy gesture. Its symbolism
is that of rubbing a
coin between the thumb and fingertips. It
is often used by the
street vendor who says, 'I can save you
40%,' or by the
person who says to his friend, 'Can you lend
me fifty pounds?'
'We can make
money out of this!'
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
This gesture should
be avoided at all times by any professional
person who deals with
clients because it carries negative associations
about money.
Hands Clenched Together
At first, this
gesture can seem to signal confidence as some
people who use it
often also smile. On one occasion, we
observed a negotiator
describing the deal he had just lost. As
he went further and
further into his story, he had not only
taken the Hands
Clenched position, his fingers were beginning
to turn white and
looked as if they were welding together. The
Hands Clenched
gesture shows a restrained, anxious or negative
attitude. It's also a
favourite of Queen Elizabeth when she
is on royal visits
and public appearances and it is usually positioned
on her lap.
Hands clenched in
raised position
reveals
frustration, even
when
smiling
Research into the
Hands Clenched position by negotiation
experts Nierenberg
and Calero showed that it was also a frustration
gesture when used
during a negotiation, signalling that
the person was
holding back a negative or anxious attitude. It
was a position
assumed by a person who felt they were either
hot convincing the
other person or thought they were losing
the negotiation.
The Hands Clenched
gesture has three main positions:
hands clenched in
front of the face; hands clenched resting on
he desk or on the
lap; and, when standing, hands clenched in
front of the crotch.
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Definitive Book of Body Language
Hands clenched in
centre position
Hands clenched in
lower position
We discovered a
correlation between the height at which the
hands are held and
the degree of the person's frustration: that
is, a person would be
more difficult to deal with when the
hands are held high,
as in a centre position, than they would
be in a lower
position (see illustrations). As with all negative
gestures, you need to
take action to unlock the person's
fingers, by offering
them a drink or asking them to hold something,
or their negative
attitude will remain in the same way it
does with any
arm-crossing position.
The
Steeple
So far, we've
emphasised that gestures come in clusters, like
words in a sentence,
and that they must be interpreted in the
context in which you
observe them. Steepling can be an exception
to these rules, as it
often occurs in isolation. The fingers
of one hand lightly
press against those of the other hand to
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
form a church steeple
and will sometimes rock back and forth
like a spider doing
push-ups on a mirror.
We found that the Steeple
was frequently used in superiorsubordinate
interaction and that
it indicates a confident or
self-assured
attitude. Superiors often use this gesture position
when they give
instructions or advice to subordinates and it is
particularly common
among accountants, lawyers and managers.
People who are
confident, superior types often use this
gesture and, by doing
so, signal their confident attitude.
Confident he has
the right answers
Those who use this
gesture sometimes convert the Steeple into
a praying gesture in
an attempt to appear God-like. As a
general rule, the
Steeple should be avoided when you want to
be persuasive or win
the other person's confidence, as it can
sometimes be read as
smugness or arrogance.
President Chirac and
Gerry Adams sometimes appear God-like
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If you want to look
as if you are confident and have all the
right answers, the
Steeple position will do it for you.
Using
Steepling to Win at Chess
Picture this scene -
you're playing chess and it's your turn to
move. You move your
hand over the chessboard and rest your
finger on a chess
piece, indicating you intend to move that
piece. You then
notice your opponent sit back and make the
Steeple gesture. Your
opponent has just told you, non-verbally,
that he feels
confident about your move so your best strategy
is not to make it.
You next touch another chess piece and see
your opponent assume
the Hands Clenched gesture or Arms
Crossed position,
signalling that he doesn't like your potential
move — so you should
make it.
The Steeple has two
main versions: the Raised Steeple, the
position often
assumed when the Steepler is giving his opinions
or ideas or is doing
the talking; and the Lowered Steeple,
which is normally
used when the Steepler is listening rather
than speaking.
The Lowered Steeple
Women tend to use the
Lowered Steeple position more often
than the Raised
Steeple. When the Raised Steeple is taken with
the head tilted back,
the person takes on an air of smugness or
arrogance.
Although the Steeple
gesture is a positive signal, it can be
used in either
positive or negative circumstances and may
be misinterpreted.
For example, let's say you are presenting
an idea to someone
and have seen them using several
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
positive gestures
during the presentation, such as open palms,
leaning forward, head
up, nodding and so on. Let's say that
towards the end of
your presentation the other person begins
to Steeple.
If the Steeple
follows a series of other positive gestures
and appears when you
show the other person the solution
to his problem, it's
likely you've been given the go-ahead
to 'ask for the
order'. On the other hand, if the Steeple
gesture follows a
series of negative gestures such as arm
folding, leg
crossing, looking away and hand-to-face gestures,
he may be confident
that he won't say 'yes' or that he can
get rid of you. In
both these cases the Steeple registers confidence,
but one has positive
results and the other negative
consequences. The
gestures preceding the Steeple are the
key to the outcome.
Summary
Your hands are always
in front of you, revealing your emotions
and attitudes. Many
body language gestures can be difficult to
learn but hand
gestures can be practised and rehearsed to a
point where you can
have fairly good control over where your
hands are and what
they are doing. When you learn to read
hand gestures you'll
look more confident, feel more successful
and win more chess
games.
The Face Platter -
Presenting her face
for a man to admire
The
Face Platter
This is not a
negative gesture - it's a positive
one used in
courtship. It's used mainly
by women and by gay
men who want to
attract a man's
attention. A woman will
place one hand on top
of the other and
present her face to a
man as if it was on a
platter for him to
admire.
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The
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If you are going to
use flattery - sincere or not - this gesture
gives the green light
for it.
Holding
Hands Behind the Back
The Duke of Edinburgh
and several other male members
of the British Royal Family
are noted for their habit of walking
with head up, chin
out and one hand holding the other
hand behind the back.
This gesture is common among
leaders and royalty
and is used by the policemen patrolling
the beat, the
headmaster walking around the school playground,
senior military
personnel and anyone in a position of
authority.
Back and front views
of the
superiority-confidence
gesture
The emotions attached
to this gesture are superiority, confidence
and power. The person
exposes their vulnerable
stomach, heart,
crotch and throat in a subconscious act of
fearlessness. Our
experience shows that, if you take this position
when you are in a
high-stress situation, such as being
interviewed by
newspaper reporters or waiting outside a
dentist's surgery,
you'll begin to feel confident and even
authoritative, as a
result of cause and effect.
Our work with law
enforcement officers showed that offi-
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
The higher up one
hand grips the opposite arm, the more frustrated
or angry the person
is likely to be. In the illustration
below the person is
showing a greater attempt at self-control
than in the previous
picture, because the hand is gripping the
upper arm, not just
the wrist. This gesture shows the origin of
the expression, 'Get
a good grip on yourself.'
The Upper Arm Grip
cers who don't wear
firearms use this position regularly and
often rock back and
forth on the balls of the feet when standing
to gain additional
height. Police officers who wear firearms
seldom use this
gesture, preferring to let their arms hang by
their side or to have
their thumbs tucked into the belt. The
firearm gives the
officer sufficient power that Palm-in-Palm
behind the back is
not a necessary display of authority.
The Hand-Gripping-Wrist
gesture communicates a different
emotion to
Palm-in-Palm behind the back. It's a signal of frustration
and an attempt at
self-control. One hand grips the
other wrist or arm
tightly behind the back, as if in an attempt
by one arm to prevent
the other from striking out.
The Hand-Gripping-Wrist
gesture
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The Definitive Book
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Wrist-and-arm-gripping
behind the back can often be
observed outside a
courtroom when warring parties are face to
face, in salespeople
standing in a customer's reception area
and in patients waiting
for a doctor. It's an attempt to disguise
nervousness or
self-restraint and, if you catch yourself doing
it, change to the
Palm-in-Palm behind the back and you will
begin to feel more
confident and in control.
Thumb
Displays
As mentioned earlier,
thumbs denote superiority. In palmistry,
the thumbs represent
strength of character and the ego, and
body language signals
involving the thumbs also show selfimportant
attitudes. Thumbs are
used to display dominance,
assertiveness or
sometimes aggressive attitudes; thumb gestures
are secondary
gestures and are usually part of a cluster.
Thumb displays are
positive signals, often used in the typical
pose of the 'cool'
individual who uses them to show superiority.
A man will use Protruding
Thumbs around women to
whom he is attracted
and people who wear high-status or prestige
clothing also display
their thumbs. You will rarely see a
low-status
individual, such as a vagrant, doing it.
The Waistcoat
Thruster
Thumb displayers also
often rock on the balls of their feet to
give the impression
of extra height.
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
fhumbs-Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket
This gesture is
common to
men and women who
feel
they are in a
superior position
to others. It's one
of
Prince Charles'
regular
gestures and reveals
the incontrol
attitude he feels at
the time. In a work
environment,
the boss will
walk around the
office in
the position and,
when the
boss is away, the
person
who is next in charge
will
walk around using it.
But
none of the
subordinates
would dare to use it
in
front of the boss.
Thumb displays can
become obvious when a
person gives a
contradictory
verbal message. Take,
for example, the lawyer who turns
to the jury and in a
soft, low voice says, 'In my humble
opinion, ladies and
gentlemen ...' while displaying his thumbs
and tilting back his
head to 'look down his nose' at them.
Prince Charles using
his Thumb-
Protruding-from-Coat-Pocket
gesture
A lawyer pretending
to be humble
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The Definitive Book
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This can make the
jury feel that the lawyer is being insincere
or pompous. If a
lawyer wanted to appear humble, he should
approach the jury
with his coat open, with open palms and
stoop forward to
appear smaller.
'You seem like an
intelligent, honest man,' the
lawyer said smugly. 'I'd
return the compliment, sir,'
said the witness. 'But I'm
under oath.'
Thumbs sometimes
protrude from the back pockets (see
below) as if the
person is trying to hide their dominant attitude.
Women were rarely
seen using Thumb Displays until the
1960s when they began
to wear trousers and take on more
authoritative roles
in society.
Thumb displays
revealing
confident,
authoritative attitudes
Arms-Folded-with-Thumbs-Pointing-Upwards
is another
common thumb cluster.
This is a double signal, showing a
defensive or negative
attitude (folded arms), plus a superior
attitude revealed by
the thumbs. The person using this cluster
usually gestures with
his thumbs when he talks, and rocks on
the balls of his feet
when standing.
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Hand
and Thumb Gestures
Closing himself off
but still feeling
superior
The thumb can also be
used as a signal of ridicule or disrespect
when it is used to
point at another person. For example,
the husband who leans
across to his friend, points towards his
wife with his thumb
and says 'She always nags', is inviting an
argument with her. In
this case, the shaking thumb is used as
a pointer to ridicule
her. Consequently, thumb-pointing is irritating
to most women,
particularly when a man does it. The
Thumb Shaking gesture
is not common among women,
although they
sometimes use the gesture to point at people
they don't like.
'She always nags me!'
Summary
Ihe thumbs have been
used as a sign of power and authority
for thousands of
years. In Roman times, the thumb held up or
down meant life or
death to a gladiator. Even without any
training, others
intuitively decode thumb signals and seem to
understand their
meaning. You are now in a position not only
to decode thumb
signs, but to train yourself to use them.
